This Week

Afternoon, folks. This has been a very, very strange week. Wouldn't you agree? Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson, all within a two day span. What in the world?

Ed McMahon always seemed like a nice man. I am sorry for his family's loss, but he was in his 80s and whether we like it or not, there is a natural order to things. He seemed like one of those people who really enjoy their lives. I don't remember anyone, anywhere ever saying anything bad about him. I believe he enjoyed the life he lived and he loved his family. Good for him! Maybe he's met up with Johnny Carson and they're sitting on a couch having a laugh or two or a hundred. I really hope so.

Farrah Fawcett was one of the icons of my childhood. She was who all of us little girls wanted to be when we grew up: beautiful, popular, smart, nice, and, you know, married to the Six Million Dollar Man. Okay, okay, we were little girls, what did we know of real life?? Still, the woman was, and always will be, iconic. One Christmas, my sister and I got our dad one of those posters. He liked her so much, we thought it was a great gift. Bless my mother's heart that she went along with it. He hung it right up and it stayed there for a while. I don't know whatever happened to it. Like my mom, Farrah Fawcett got cancer and also like my mom, she said it wasn't going to beat her. I never really liked the fact that people criticized her for going to Germany for experimental treatments. When you have cancer and there are no longer any regular treatments to have, you'll try anything. When you get hit with cancer, let's see how far you'll travel to find a cure. Pretty far is my bet. I really admired her courage, her dignity and her refusal to let cancer rule her life. She's the one who set the terms by which she would live and then she went out and lived. She fought hard for three years and it's safe to say that she never gave up. So, yes, she has my admiration. Her family has my sympathy. She was one of a kind and now she's gone.

And she died on the same day as Michael Jackson inexplicably died at 50 years old. Folks, that is young. My sister and I used to watch the Jackson 5 cartoon on Saturday mornings when we were little. Yep, aging myself here. When I was in college, every other girls' dorm room had either Rob Lowe or Michael Jackson hanging on the wall, sometimes both. When Thriller came out, everyone had it and the posters. He was so very, very handsome then. Why in the world did he ever do that to himself?? I was lucky enough to see him in concert once. My sister and I saw him in Louisville on the Bad tour. It was absolutely surreal. I'll try to explain what it was like. It was liking watching television. There he was, right in front of you, doing all that dancing that no one else did and we couldn't believe we were watching him in person. I mean, it was MICHAEL JACKSON, for crying out loud. And then, he turned into this weird, otherworldly kind of person and no one could ever quite figure out what was going on with him. Nevertheless, he was a talent and an icon and we will never see his like again.

Yeah, it's been a very strange week. Rest in peace Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. May you find the peace and understanding that might have eluded you in this life.

Twitter-pated etc.

I'm writing in blue today cause it's rained most of the day. Again. Also, we had lightening this morning, which I would very much prefer not to have again.
So here I am, writing my little blog that no one will ever read. Except for me, of course. I have to say: I am totally in love with Twitter. Can't help myself, it's just so much fun. I only read the tweats of the folks that I follow and sometimes the ones of people they follow. I've tried doing the Everyone thing, but good night, there are some boring and confusing people on Twitter, I must say. I know their little slogan is "What are you doing?" but the most fun, informative, entertaining tweaters are the ones who don't necessarily prescribe to that credo. I adore following the people I'm following. They are all so smart, funny and entertaining. Let me just say this, though: with a few exceptions, and you know who you are, the people who've chosen to follow my tweats? I'm very confused. Some woman in Colorado who's a grandmother for crying out loud is following me. She also happens to be, hem hem, a freaking conservative Republican. Hello??? Why in the world would this woman chooses to follow me? Or, for example, the guy who's basically a fisherman?? Must be something they have key words targeting. Also, today, someone started following me who has a company that makes and sells fake vampire teeth. Again, key words. I know I mentioned something about vampires in one of my tweats. Although, I guess I should look at that one as a resource in case I ever decide to get fake vampire teeth. Theirs are supposed to be pretty good. You're supposed to be able to talk, eat, etc. with them in. Let me just tell you: that should be a neat trick. Even the vampires on Buffy and Angel had trouble talking around theirs sometimes.
My best friend and I emailed about Twitter. He doesn't get it. He was like, "why would anyone be interested in whether I'm at Lowe's or Costco?" hahahahaha Now, no one I follow, nor do I, ever tweat anything that mundane. I tried to explain it to him. I hope he got it.
I am still on the sleep-deprived side so I'm thinking this is going to be an early night for me again. Only trouble with early bedtimes is that you get an early morning, too. Which I do not like. Not at all. I do not like it in a box, I do not like it with a fox, I do not like it Sam, I am. Little shout-out to Dr. Seuss there. You can never go wrong with Dr. Seuss. He's the guru.
It's getting ready to do something bad weathery here. Again. Bah. I just hope it doesn't really storm bad here. I do not like that, either. Not a big fan of storms.
Okay, that's it for today for me.

Bad Day #2

Okay, I just tweated this, but I need to clarify, expound, elucidate, whatever. For the second day in a row, I am so depressed, I cannot lift my head. Since 6:30 YESTERDAY morning, all I've done is cry. Those stupid Cymbalta commercials? "Depression hurts, Cymbalta can help"?? Yes, depression hurts like a bitch. I can barely walk.

I am sick, folks. I am sleep-deprived on top of a blood sugar level that's probably in the high 400s or 500s by now. So I am a ticking time bomb. Headed for a stroke or worse. I just hope I'm alone and it kills me in an instance when it happens. And soon, please God. I can't sit here and cry all day every day for who knows how long.

No one reads this stupid thing. I guess I'm just getting it all out for myself. I am sad and I hurt and I am tired of feeling this way. I wish my mom was here. She loved me and would help me to feel better. Actually, truth be told: if my mom wasn't dead, I wouldn't have ever gotten in this shape to begin with. She would have moved Heaven and Earth to make sure I was taken care of and had the medicine I needed and that someone, anyone, would have kept an eye on me. But she's not here and no one else even gives a damn.

Well, i guess that's all for today. I'm sure it's enough.

Enough Already

This has been a really, really bad day. I am so sleep-deprived that I cannot even describe it. I went to sleep around 2 a.m. last night and woke up at 6:27 a.m. How is that possible??? Made myself go back to sleep for an hour or so and then just gave up. I am very, very depressed. I've been crying since I got out of bed today. Can't explain it, can't stop. Everything's terrible. No job, no insurance, no money, no hope. I have type II diabetes and since I lost my job in November due to layoffs - who hasn't been laid off? - I also lost my health insurance. You do the math. Most days, I can't feel my feet, today I can't feel my left hand. Typing is kind of tricky. I also have (undiagnosed) Meniere's disease. Three or four days a week, I have vertigo so badly that I have to take two or three Dramamine and sit really still until I can stand to move my head. Also, back in February, I woke up one Sunday with no hearing. Now, it comes and goes, but mostly, I watch the close captioning on DVDs because I can't get the captioning to work on my television. Plus, cause of the diabetes, my vision is getting worse, too. Sorry, but yes, this one's a rant or a whine or whatever you want to call it. Also, for reasons passing all understanding, all of my so-called friends have abandoned me. It isn't my fault I got laid off, lost my insurance and my health took a header. Truthfully, I don't even talk about this stuff with anyone unless they ask. So I'm at a loss as to why EVERYONE has turned their backs on me. Everyone - my friends, my co-workers, even my father. My daughter is never home, but I've failed so miserably at being her mother that it's fine.

Anyway, it's been a really bad day and I don't see things improving any time soon, if at all. That's what's happening today. Sorry to disturb.